Daft Instructions
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through Stupidity, here are some actual
label instructions on consumer goods.
On Sears's hairdryer:
"Do not use while sleeping."
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
On a bag of Fritos:
"You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside."
(Evidently, the shoplifter special.)
. On some Swanson frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestions: Defrost."
(But it's *just* a suggestion.)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box):
"Do not turn upside down."
(DUH! too late!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating."
(As night follows the day...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body."
(But wouldn't this save even more time?)
On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head colds off those
forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid:
"Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(One would hope.)
On most brands of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only."
(As opposed to what?)
On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use."
(I gotta admit, I'm curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
"Warning: Contains nuts."
(NEWS FLASH)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: Fly Delta.)
On a child's Superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company; I blame parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chain saw:
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Was there a chance of this happening somewhere? Good grief.)
On a bottle of Palmolive Dishwashing liquid:
"Do not use on food."
(Hey, Mom, we're out of syrup! It's okay honey just grab the Palmolive!)
On a tube of Crest Toothpaste:
"If swallowed contact poison control."
(Oh please. Have you ever heard about someone dying from swallowing a little toothpaste?)
On a bottle of ALL laundry detergent:
"Remove clothing before distributing in washing machine."
(Hey no more swimming in the washing machine kids.) |