Three Little Pigs

Chika Unigwe

Once upon a time, there were three little pigs who lived with their Mama pig in a little brick house. At first, life was just great for this piggy family. Three little pigs who looked up to their Mama and a Mama pig who enjoyed dressing up her little piggies.

But one day, the three little pigs realized they were not so little anymore. They were tired of their Mama coming into their rooms, listening in on their conversations and censoring their girlfriends. They became embarrassed when she kissed their pouty snouts. They loathed the fact that she whined at them to clean up their rooms in front of their friends, "this is a pig sty, daarhlings, not a kennel!" As she was deaf to all their complaints and would not catch a
hint, they decided to take a drastic action.

They held a meeting and it was agreed that they would move out. They kept it a secret from their Mama and one Saturday morning while she was at the salon having her tail curled, they all moved in into their new straw house.

Mama Pig was upset when none of her sons turned up to eat supper. Then she noticed that their clothes were missing. For two days, she roamed the city for news of her children. On the evening of the second day, she heard that they had moved into a little straw house not quite far from home.

She gathered herself together, called a cab and was soon standing outside the little straw house. She yelled out so that neighbours, if they bothered to listen could hear her,

"Little pigs, little pigs, let me in!"

"Not by the hair on our chinny chin chin!" ( and they had quite a lot of hair on their double chins)

Then I will huff, and I will puff and I will blow your silly little house in and show you that I carried all three of you for a combined length of twenty-seven months" ( how long does a pig carry a pregnancy??)

The rude pigs stuck their tongues out at her and asked her to try. She huffed and she puffed and she held her breath and then she blew. The pigs did not quite know what hit them, but even before they had the time to push their tongues back inside their mouths, their house had fallen apart. They were shocked. They had
never imagined that their mother was that strong.

They were determined not to go home, so they all ran yelling to each other, "Pintos! Pintos! Let's go to Pintos." They outran their mother because she had got herself out of breath with all the huffing and puffing. And as she was not hip enough to know where Pintos was, there were safe from her while they made plans to move elsewhere. "This time, we have to find a house a bit stronger than straw. We don't want Mama blowing down our house like it were a stack of cards," the middle child said, chewing reflectively on a chunky piece of beef. The other
two agreed. "Let's try wood. It's not too expensive, but, it is durable" the eldest one said, picking his tooth. The others concurred and the search began.

This time , they moved further away from home that it took Mama Pig a week to find out where and half a day's journey to get to it. She knocked on their door with the lion head brass knocker ( you know the routine) but the piggies would not let her in. She threatened to huff and puff and "blow this ridiculous wooden structure down and teach you never to underestimate the power of a mother fighting for her children." She huffed and she puffed and she blew but the house stood as solid as the scones she made once that right about broke her teeth. She
huffed and she puffed and she blew again but the house stood. The third time she did, something the three pigs had never dreamed of happening did. Their house fell in and almost hit the middle piggy who was at that moment boiling pasta for supper. They all ran out, out-ran their mother and when they met up agreed to
upgrade to a house built of brick. "a bit more expensive, but worth it" was what the youngest said and the others nodded\\\ their heads in agreement.

This time they moved a lot further away from Mama dearest. They loved their brick house. They loved their rooms with clothes strewn everywhere. They loved the messy kitchen with plates stacked so high they could reach the kitchen ceiling. They loved the fact they could play their music so loud that their ears boomed and rang long after the music was turned off. They loved the fact that their girlfriends could stroll in and stroll out whenever they chose to. They loved the fact they could bring in girls with bleached hair and with red hair and with purple hair and there was no Mama to look at them with disdain and yell long after they were gone that they could not have come from "good sties with hair looking like they were fathered by a mongrel."

The three little pigs who were not quite so little lived in their new home for six months before their mother found out where they were and took the plane ride to see her piggies. She rang the door bell and when her sons saw who it was, they asked her very matter of factly to go away and never come back. Mama pig's voice came out tiny and broken as she begged, "little pigs, little pigs, please let me in." The brothers looked at each other and they saw in their eyes that they were really tired of fighting over whose turn it was to cook, whose turn it was to clean up, who got the bathroom flooded and would not clean up. They were sick of the endless nights of partying. They missed their Mama's cooking. They even missed her censoring of their girlfriends, missed their shocking her with
their taste in girls. They saw also that they loved their Mama more than they would ever admit and they could not stand the sorrow in her voice. They opened the door to let her in.

That night, their house was filled with the smell of potatoes boiling and steak frying and their favourite smell of all, mudcake baking in the oven. It was a very happy, but very tired Mama pig that went to bed that night in a cleaned out, tidied up little brick house.